I have been single for almost a year and a half now and I do not talk about my break up but it’s time now. I want to share my experience because I know many people get hurt in relationships. I think its important to encourage others and help others understand that even though you get your heart broken, it will be okay.
Here is my story:
I met someone more than two and a half years ago now and instantly I fell for him. We went from talking on the phone every second to our first date which then led us to begin our relationship. We began spending every second with each other,( which I would not recommend) if he wasn’t at work and I wasn’t in class we were together. I was extremely happy with him, no matter how many issues we had I truly fell in love . I do not have any regrets, I share some of my best memories with him.
Looking back, now that the dust has settled and emotions are not heightened, well let me be honest I am no longer upset; It took me about a year to stop being sad. Our relationship was not healthy, I would describe it as being toxic. A relationship is about making each other better and we were not doing that. SO why did we break up? I found out he was cheating on me. It broke my heart, and I will never truly understand why he cheated but he has to live with the things he has done, and I have to continue to heal.
I also want to mention that I do not look at myself as a victim and I am not going to speak badly about him. My purpose is solely to share my story and hope it helps someone else who has dealt or is dealing with heartbreak.
Its been a year and a half and I had to do a lot of self discovery, in order to heal and move on with my life.
So what is my advice for dealing with a broken heart and moving on?
- Cry, scream, lay in bed and eat ice cream. Let yourself feel the pain, no matter how hard it is. (I cried every night for the first month.😭)
- Focus on yourself. What do I mean by that? Do stuff that makes you happy, distract yourself. For me I focused on school (I was about going into my final year of college), I went shopping A LOT and later on started working out.
- Understand that it will take some time to feel okay again. For me it took about a year, but everyone is different. I had to get used to not having him by my side. I was so used to spending everyday with him that I felt lost now that he was not around I lost my best friend and boyfriend at the same time. BUT! I am more INDEPENDENT now.💪🏻
- Examine your relationship, I know this can be hard but its important to understand your own mistakes so that you do not make them again. For myself I was extremely naive and needed to recognize the red flags, it could have saved me a lot of time and heart ache.
- Write your ex a letter, explaining how you feel. Its important to say it out loud or write it down. You can send it to your ex, keep it or burn it. Its your choice!
- Cut off communication with your now ex. I know that can be extremely difficult but as I once heard “the person who broke your heart can not be the same person who fixes it”. If you find it hard to cut off all communication at least limit it, slowly get used to not having your ex around. In the beginning I would leave my phone at home, so I was not tempted to text him.
- What to do with pictures and gifts from your ex? I would put them both in a secret place where you will not see them daily. I used the app Dropbox to store all my pictures with him. I wanted to keep them but did not want to scroll through my phone and see his face. It is okay to keep photos and gifts, they are your memories and you should keep them if that’s what makes you happy.
- This next tip is unique to my situation but if your ex stays with the person he cheated on you with, let it go, do not engage in confrontation with that person. In my situation she did me a favor and I know the truth and have made peace with it. That is all that matters!
- Find a way to forgive your ex, for me I had to understand that his problems and insecurities are his struggles; and his reasons for cheating had nothing to do with me.
- Separate yourself from your life with your ex, and take time to be by yourself. I was constantly with my ex or talking to him that I was too close to think clearly. I believed every lie, doubted myself, but once we broke up and he was not around anymore, I was able to think clearly again. I have learned to never doubt myself and to trust my instincts.
- Lastly, do not give up on love, no matter how much it hurts. You will probably get your heart broken again and that is okay. It will help you grow.
I am stronger, and wiser now. I am still healing, learning to trust and learning to love again. I will always love him, for the blessings and lessons that happened because of him. He will always hold a special place in my heart and by no means is he a bad person, we were just not meant to be together.
I hope that if you are going through a rough time that you remember you are special and beautiful, and never alone. Just face every day one step at a time.